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27 June 2012 ~ 0 Comments

Why Are Submissive Fantasies a Turn-On?

Everyone’s talking about the erotic novel “50 Shades of Grey,” and these three findings on sexual fantasies may explain why.

Why Are Submissive Fantasies a Turn-On?

Sometimes it takes a popular vampire series or Rihanna song to get people talking about otherwise taboo sex topics. Most recently, it’s the best-selling erotic novel “50 Shades of Grey,” which follows the dominant-submissive relationship between a powerful businessman and a college student, complete with explicit S&M sex scenes. Undoubtedly your neighbor has read it, and—mom jokes aside—maybe even your mom.

Since its re-release in April, it’s been shaking up book clubs, bedrooms—even sparking a debate about the power dynamics between women and men. Though only a small part of the population reports fantasizing about sadomasochism/bondage (8 percent, according to a Durex global survey), the theme has piqued interest on a mass scale.

“I read it for my book club, and most of the women would have never spoken about sex to each other in such a personal way,” a New York-based editor says. “One mother of two expressed openly that she not only felt sexually liberated, but empowered, while reading the book.”

How can women feel liberated by reading a book about sexual domination? Here, we’ll explore some psychology behind submissive sex fantasies (not sadomasochism, but “50 Shades” definitely touches on that.) The majority of readers are probably not running to get chains and whips after finishing the book (though if that’s your thing, go for it). Likely, they’re identifying with the thrilling idea of giving up control to a trustworthy, domineering partner during sex. (We hope it goes without saying that any fantasy sex play—domineering or not—should always be safe and consensual.)

“After making decisions all day, sometimes I don’t want to have to make any more decisions at the end of the day. I don’t mind being led in the bedroom,” says one marketing analyst and mother, who read the novel.

This leads to three surprising findings about women’s submission fantasies, the first from a 2009 study led by Patricia Hawley, Ph.D and her student, Will Hensley at the University of Kansas psychology department.

In this research, and contrary to conventional wisdom, most people who were turned on by a “forceful submission fantasy” didn’t imagine pain or humiliation (masochism), but were instead drawn to what they thought of as “a passionate exchange with a powerful, resource-holding and attentive suitor.” That’s a key distinction: The researchers believe this shows that people use these fantasies to assert power, not to give it up.

Here’s why:

1. Assertive women enjoy the idea of being submissive in bed, more than traditionally submissive women.

Surprisingly, women who enjoyed these forceful submission fantasies weren’t submissive in their lives outside of the bedroom. In fact, the most aggressive group of females preferred a fantasy where they were dominated. And real life “non-controllers” (women who have less agency in social situations) had the least preference for sexual submission.

One explanation is that dominant females pursue dominant males, as they do in the animal kingdom, says Hawley. Catching the attention of a dominant male means you’ve risen to the top of the pack, so acting out that fantasy (where he pursues, you resist and that power struggle leads to hot, hot sex) reinforces a woman’s status and desirability, which makes her feel good about herself. (Note that you can sub in any gender and the same theory applies.) While that’s just one possible explanation, the point here is that at its core, this fantasy enhances self-esteem.

source: http://www.youbeauty.com/relationships/50-shades-of-grey

28 December 2010 ~ 0 Comments

Why do women who have anal sex get more orgasms?

The Riddle of the Sphincter (from Slate.com)

By William SaletanPosted Monday, Oct. 11, 2010, at 7:51 AM ET

Last week, I tried to figure out why more women are having anal sex and why itcorrelates so highly with orgasms. Since 1992, the percentage of women aged 20-24 who say they’ve tried anal sex has doubled to 40 percent. The percentage of women aged 20-39 who say they’ve done it in the past year has doubled to more than 20 percent. And 94 percent of women who received anal sex in their last encounter said they reached orgasm—a higher rate of orgasm than was reported by women who had vaginal intercourse or received oral sex.

Why? For obvious reasons—anatomical, evolutionary, and aesthetic—anal sex should, on average, be less attractive and satisfying than vaginal or oral sex. In last week’s column, based on new survey data, I inferred that female orgasms caused anal sex rather than the other way around. The other acts reported by women who engaged in anal sex—vaginal intercourse, cunnilingus, partnered masturbation—delivered the orgasms. In turn, these women indulged their male partners’ requests for anal sex.

Well, shame on me. Not for talking about sodomy—that taboo seems to be fading fast—but for doubting that women love it. These women are now coming forward to affirm that they’re into it for their own pleasure, thank you very much. And they aren’t alone. Bloggers, blog readers, and Slate commenters are offering lots of other theories to explain the orgasm data.

I should start with a confession: I understated the mainstreaming of anal sex. I relied on data tables that reported how many women had done it at least once (around 40 percent), in the last year (around 20 percent), or in the last month (around 7 percent). I missed a different table (Table 4, page 284) that isolated women who were “partnered” and asked about their activities over a 90-day period. Among partnered women aged 18-24, 20 percent said they’d had anal sex in the preceding three months. Among those aged 30-39, 16 percent had done it. Among women aged 30-39 who were cohabiting but unmarried, 30 percent had done it. So we’re talking about something that a significant minority of partnered women does at least several times a year.

Why do they do it? And why do those who do it most often (women who reported anal intercourse in their last encounter) get the most orgasms? Here are some theories proposed by readers and bloggers.

1. Anal sex causes orgasms. At least 10 women have posted comments in Slate to say that they like anal sex. Five of them say they get orgasms from it. These women aren’t porn artifacts, nor are they trolling for sex. Many are explicitly partnered; most are using full names. Others who enjoy sodomy are raising their hands herehereherehere,herehereherehere, and here, with additional secondhand reports here and here. (All of these posts are from women; I’m setting aside the 20 or 30 secondhand reports I’ve seen from men.) I won’t try to convey their enthusiasm—you can read the testimonials yourself. Let’s just say that Tristan Taormino and Toni Bentley aren’t alone. And if you think is just male-imposed false consciousness, try reading a few lesbians on this subject.

Lots of women don’t like, want, or do anal sex (examples hereherehere, and here), and the data still suggest these women are the majority. But when I said female orgasms were causing anal sex, I shouldn’t have implied that the reverse wasn’t true. Sex is complicated. People vary. No single theory will explain the whole correlation.

2. Orgasms increase women’s willingness to try anal sex. Originally, I speculated that this effect was reciprocal: Women who got what they wanted were more likely to indulge their partners’ wishes. Some readers think my analysis was too transactional—women aren’t doing it just to please men—but they agree that the orgasm precedes the act. “I’ve had anal sex with multiple girlfriends but I don’t think it’s ever happened before she has orgasmed first,” says one man. “When we’ve been having a marathon session with serious orgasms, that’s when my wife is interested in exploring her adventurous side,” says another. These are just anecdotes, but the survey data back them up: Nearly all women who reported anal intercourse in their last encounter said they engaged in other sex acts, too.

3. Orgasms increase women’s willingness to try anal sex, which in turn causes orgasms. Theories 1 and 2 aren’t mutually exclusive. Some women cite both factors.Example:

Yup, once my boyfriend started going down on me 3+x/wk among other things, I was like, well… anal’s probably not that bad. I was more afraid of it because of scary porn. I’ve come to enjoy anal, perhaps even … prefer it? Makes my orgasm explosive. Course I want more.

4. Orgasms cause relaxation, which facilitates anal sex. “Anal sex with a woman does seem, um … easier following her orgasm … or any other kind of deep relaxation, like a massage or hot bath or bourbon,” one man reports. (See this lesbian testimonial on the same theme.) This theory is psychological but also physical: If you haven’t had an orgasm, you’re less likely to be relaxed, so you can’t do anal sex. So when women are surveyed about their last sexual experience, the only women who say they had anal sex are the ones who had orgasms.

5. Adventurousness causes orgasms and anal sex. A male commenter puts it this way:

Couples who have consensual, playful and open-minded sex lives tend to do things that result in the women in these relationships having orgasms AND to experiment with (and possibly find they enjoy) anal sex. It’s not one causing the other, but a common cause that results in the two being correlated.

That’s an intuitively appealing theory. It fits the survey findings (“greater behavior diversity is related to ease of orgasm“) and the specific data on anal sex. While nearly all women who had anal intercourse in their last encounter reported other sex acts as well, nearly half the women who had vaginal intercourse reported no other sex acts.

But is this really a matter of adventurousness? Maybe vaginal sex is simply more satisfying, so women are less likely to need an additional act. A female Slate commenter proposes a way to test the hypothesis: “My guess would be that female orgasms are also highly correlated with bondage, role play, more varied sexual positions overall, and whatever other ‘kinks’ you can think of.” Perhaps the next survey will sort this out.

6. Women who orgasm easily are more likely to try anal sex. This turns the adventurousness theory upside down. The idea here is that a woman’s relative ease of orgasm (which could be largely anatomical) is a cause, not an effect, of trying new kinks. Orgasmic women are more willing to dabble in unconventional things, including anal sex, because compared with other women, sex is more fun for them, or orgasmic payoff is more likely.

7. Self-assurance causes orgasms and anal sex. Short version: “Women comfortable enough to enjoy anal sex are pretty much relaxed enough to orgasm. They’re women who get what they want.” Longer version:

Women who offer anal sex are typically those most comfortable with themselves, their bodies or with asking for what they want from their partner, and when a woman is comfortable with those things she’s more likely to reach orgasm. … a guy’s not getting back there unless the woman is very comfortable with you being there …

Another good hypothesis. The paradox to be explained is why an act widely considered icky or deviant correlates with orgasms. The self-assurance theory uses the ick factor to explain this. To overcome the ick and deviance, you have to be the kind of woman who’s good at getting satisfaction. To that extent, anal sex doesn’t create orgasmic women. It selects them.

8. Anal sex requires affirmative interest. This is a more direct version of the self-assurance theory. A commenter explains:

Women who go for anal sex are into having anal sex. It turns them on. More likely to have an orgasm. Vaginal sex is what every women does, even those who…. aren’t interested really, so the numbers are going to be lower.

Again, anal sets a higher bar. Women who don’t much feel like having vaginal sex often do it anyway. Women who don’t much feel like having anal sex don’t do it. So disinterested women dilute the orgasm rate for vaginal but not anal sex. The same could be said of orgasms: Women who don’t get orgasms from vaginal sex keep doing it, but women who don’t get orgasms from anal sex stop, thereby reducing the anal-sex population to women who really get off on it.

9. Love and trust cause orgasms and anal sex. One woman writes:

The more I love and trust someone, the more likely I am to have an orgasm while with him—and the more likely I am to be okay with pushing society’s “norms” with him. Similarly, the more he proves that he knows what he’s doing, the more likely I am to let him do something that could potentially really, really hurt me.

This is the most uplifting theory. It implies that the sample of women who report regular anal sex is heavily biased toward intimate relationships. The data (Table 4, page 284) strongly support this. Compared with women who are single and dating, women in a relationship are only about 50 percent more likely, at best, to report vaginal sex in the last 90 days. But they’re two to three times more likely to report anal sex. And women who live with their boyfriends are more likely to report anal sex—but not more likely to report vaginal sex—than women who don’t. Anal sex, more so than vaginal sex, seems to correlate with intimacy and commitment. (Did I mention you should use a condom especially if you don’t know your partner well? Use a condom.)

10. Male assertiveness causes orgasms and anal sex. This is a macho inversion of the love theory. A commenter at a misogynous Web site puts it this way:

Also, women are more likely to acquiesce to buttsex demands from the highest-quality men. Anal sex is associated with orgasms, but mostly because both anal sex and orgasms occur more frequently with alphas.

Flame away, ladies.

11. Anal includes manual. Several commenters at Slate and other venues report that in their experience, women got orgasms only with a bit of simultaneous Christine O’Donnell. One man writes:

My experience with women I asked and were willing to try is that 5 women loved it, 1 was accepting but it didn’t do anything for her, 3 disliked it. All of the ones that liked it had fairly intense orgasms (no surprise there) but only if their clitoris was stimulated at the same time. It could be that the pleasurable attraction for the women is due to it being a position that allows easy access for addition stimulation.

The survey backs this up: Of women who had anal sex in their last encounter, 31 percent said they also had “partnered masturbation” (Table 4, pages 355-6). To the extent that this factor explains the happy endings, the anal orgasm data are inflated.

12. Anal sex requires more foreplay and patience, which increases the odds of orgasm. One commenter observes that anal sex is “a more drawn out experience, what with prep work.” This is more complex than the manual-stimulation theory. The best way to understand it is to look at the data in negative terms: While only 6.5 percent of women who had anal sex in their last encounter didn’t report an orgasm, 30 percent of women who had vaginal sex didn’t report an orgasm. Maybe that’s because nature makes it easier to have vaginal sex even when the man is hasty and self-absorbed. Anal sex requires more attention to the woman’s mind and body.

13. Internet porn is spreading the idea. According to a male commenter,

the most recent increase in the prevalence of anal sex is mostly due to the near simultaneous rise in access to high-speed Internet … [When people] see these fetishes carried out frequently in pornography they may slowly begin to feel more comfortable about their suppressed fetishes and even muster up the courage to find someone who shares the same fetishes.

On its face, this theory would explain only the prevalence, not the orgasms. But prevalence could increase the rate of reported orgasms by boosting the number of couples who discover they like anal sex, thereby increasing the odds that a woman who had anal sex in her last encounter (i.e., the sample of women who provided the orgasm data) did so because she likes it, not just because her partner asked.

These are just a few of the answers people have come up with. I’m excluding thevicarious pleasure theory (which doesn’t explain why anal sex outscores vaginal sex and fellatio at delivering female orgasms) and the virginity preservation theory (which, given the ulterior motive, would predict a lower, not higher, orgasm rate). I also found a few amusing disputes between women and gay men over how to do anal sex and whetherwomen can directly get orgasms from it. And I took some criticism from the pegging community for ignoring straight men who like to be penetrated. Sorry, gents. Some other time.

The most interesting thing I learned from reading dozens of testimonials is that many sodomy enthusiasts have a slight anal superiority complex. They don’t mean to boast. It’s just that they’re more adventurous, enlightened, and fulfilled than other folks are. They’re less uptight and more comfortable with themselves. They’re better lovers, or their lovers are better. And this attitude is starting to irk some anal virgins. “There are plenty of women who are in tune with their bodies and not sexually repressed and still don’t like anal sex,” protests one woman. She notes that in her Reddit community,

[P]eople who do not enjoy certain acts are really frowned upon, and it’s bugging me. If you’re not causing anyone harm, and you and your partner are happy and satisfied, then all should be well. … when one partner is not satisfied it’s a whole different story, but it still wouldn’t be up to us to judge the more vanilla partner.

So if anal sex goes mainstream, be nice to the vanilla holdouts. And don’t be surprised if the revolution is short-lived. As women embrace sodomy, it may lose its taboo appeal for men. Lots of men are coming forward to say they don’t like it (examples hereherehere,herehereherehereherehereherehere, and here), and some seem to have beenturned off to it by women who wanted it. With buggery on the daily menu, men might start begging for vaginal sex, or even kissing. Won’t that be something.

16 December 2010 ~ 0 Comments

Scientists explain squirrel promiscuity

It’s not in the genes, but in the number of knocks at the door.

Researchers at the University of Guelph have found that something a lot more circumstantial than genetics is behind female squirrels’ promiscuity.

“Their behaviour is overwhelmingly influenced by opportunity,” said Erin McFarlane, a graduate student and member of the team that looked into this issue that has long baffled biologists.

The findings are published in the Royal Society journal Biology Letters.

Female squirrels are known to sometimes have as many mates as possible, behaviour that doesn’t always make sense for females, McFarlane said.

The researchers found that the more males there were in the area interested in mating, the more squirrels a female would mate with, McFarlane said.

“A female squirrel that only chose to mate with one male could have a daughter that mates with many males,” integrative biology professor Andrew McAdam said in a release. “It seems the tendency to mate with fewer males isn’t something that is being passed down from generation to generation.”

The discovery that the mating patterns of female squirrels aren’t genetic means mating habits in the species are unlikely to evolve, the researchers found.

The researchers analyzed data from 108 mate chases involving 85 female squirrels. The female squirrels mated with anywhere from one to 14 partners.

Source

12 September 2010 ~ 0 Comments

Good dancing may be sign of male health, scientists say

Dr Nick Neave looks at the difference between “good” and “bad” dancing

Scientists say they’ve carried out the first rigorous analysis of dance moves that make men attractive to women.

The researchers say that movements associated with good dancing may be indicative of good health and reproductive potential.

Their findings are published in the Royal Society journal Biology Letters.

“When you go out to clubs people have an intuitive understanding of what makes a good and bad dancer,” said co-author Dr Nick Neave, an evolutionary psychologist at Northumbria University, UK.

“What we’ve done for the very first time is put those things together with a biometric analysis so we can actually calculate very precisely the kinds of movements people focus on and associate them with women’s ratings of male dancers.”

Dr Neave asked young men who were not professional dancers, to dance in a laboratory to a very basic drum rhythm and their movements with 12 cameras.

These movements were then converted into a computer-generated cartoon – an avatar – which women rated on a scale of one to seven. He was surprised by the results.

“We thought that people’s arms and legs would be really important. The kind of expressive gestures the hands [make], for example. But in fact this was not the case,” he said.

“We found that (women paid more attention to) the core body region: the torso, the neck, the head. It was not just the speed of the movements, it was also the variability of the movement. So someone who is twisting, bending, moving, nodding.”

Movements that went down terribly were twitchy and repetitive – so called “Dad dancing”.

Dr Neave’s aim was to establish whether young men exhibited the same courtship movement rituals in night clubs as animals do in the wild. In the case of animals, these movements give information about their health, age, their reproductive potential and their hormone status.

“People go to night clubs to show off and attract the opposite sex so I think it’s a valid way of doing this,” Dr Neave explained.

“In animals, the male has to be in good physical quality to carry out these movements. We think the same is happening in humans and certainly the guys that can put these movements together are going to be young and fit and healthy.”

Dr Neave also took blood samples from the volunteers. Early indications from biochemical tests suggest that the men who were better dancers were also more healthy.

10 September 2010 ~ 0 Comments

Despite parents’ allowing romantic sleepovers, the Netherlands has one of the lowest youth pregnancy rates

The Dutch have teen sex figured out

The Dutch could teach American parents a thing or two about the birds and the bees — namely, the virtues of respect and acceptance of teenage sexuality. I just stumbled across a fascinating study (via Sociological Images) that compares these divergent cultural attitudes toward doing the nasty (which, by the way, is much less likely to be cast as “nasty” or “dirty” in the Netherlands). The report, “Sex, Love, and Autonomy in the Teenage Sleepover” by sociologist Amy Schalet, spills plenty of ink describing the forbidding and fearful American view of premarital teen sex that is all too familiar to most of us stateside. It’s her description of parental attitudes in the Netherlands that really surprises, though.

A 2003 survey “found that two thirds of Dutch fifteen to seventeen-year-olds with steady boy- or girlfriends are allowed to spend the night with them in their bedrooms, and that boys and girls are equally likely to get permission for a sleepover.” Schalet writes:

Dutch parents, by contrast, downplay the dangerous and difficult sides of teenage sexuality, tending to normalize it. They speak of readiness (er aan toe zijn), a process of becoming physically and emotionally ready for sex that they believe young people can self-regulate, provided they’ve been encouraged to pace themselves and prepare adequately. Rather than emphasizing gender battles, Dutch parents talk about sexuality as emerging from relationships and are strikingly silent about gender conflicts. And unlike Americans who are often skeptical about teenagers’ capacities to fall in love, they assume that even those in their early teens fall in love. They permit sleepovers, even if that requires an “adjustment” period to overcome their feelings of discomfort, because they feel obliged to stay connected and accepting as sex becomes part of their children’s lives.

More generally, the country’s “moral rules cast sexuality as a part of life that should be governed by self-determination, mutual respect, frank conversation, and the prevention of unintended consequence.” It’s no coincidence that the country has also secured easy access (for both teens and adults) to contraceptives and other sexual healthcare.

The upshot of all this? Dutch teens are giving birth left and right and plagued by STDs! Oh, no, wait — the truth is actually the opposite of that. “In 2007, births to American teens (ages fifteen to nineteen) were eight times as high as in the Netherlands,” reports Schalet, and the Netherlands generally whoops on the states in terms of STD rates, too. What’s more, “it also appears that having sex outside of the context of monogamous romantic relationships isn’t as common among Dutch adolescents, especially older ones, as among their American counterparts.”

None of this surprises me. I grew up in a very atypical American household where my long-term boyfriend was frequently allowed to sleep over. Eventually, he was allowed to move in with us because of serious family issues on his part — but that’s a whole ‘nother story, believe me. My point is that I was allowed an unusual degree of autonomy over my own sex life. Instead of sneaking out of the house to have sex in the backseat of a car, I was engaging in playful exploration in my childhood bedroom with my first love — and my parents were right across the hall the whole time. I had no sense that sex was a naughty or shameful act; it was a fun and meaningful activity to which I felt fully entitled. And you know what? I consistently used condoms, I was on birth control pills and I insisted that both of us were tested for STDs.

I would never claim that sexual freedom is actually the key to safe sex among teens, and my anecdotal experience certainly shouldn’t be the basis for public or parental policy. But with regards to teen pregnancy and STD rates, the numbers just don’t lie: We need to be paying attention to the Netherlands.

09 August 2010 ~ 0 Comments

Sex & Rollplaying

For many years sexologists have been saying that role games are the best aids in sex. Yet, some are so interested in trying on other people’s image that they use it not only in bed but in real life as well. The most intriguing thing is that they get incredibly satisfied by it. Rich people dressing like the poor, college professors who put on school uniform, scientists who wear firefighter’s uniform at home – this is a non-exhaustive list of patients treated by a famous LA sex therapist Dr. William Sharp, who has been studying an interesting sexual anomaly known as cisvestism for years. The doctor dedicated most of his life to studying his patients and came to conclusion that all people are perverts to some extent. In his interview with Express Gazeta, the famous sex therapist revealed some of the shocking secrets of his research.
“Cisvestism is a type of fetishism or transvestism. While transvestites change into clothes of the opposite sex, my patients dress into clothes of their own sex, although of a different social status or profession. For instance, a proper housewife tries an image of a prostitute and spends time in bars, or a 50-year old librarian dresses like an 18-year old girl and goes to a club. I have a client who owns a café. After work, she puts on a waitress uniform and goes out to pick up tipsy truck drivers from a nearby hotel.”
“What’s so special about it? Women always want to look younger, and if you want to pick someone up, a short skirt or waitress uniform is a great idea.”
“It’s one thing when someone does it once in a while. Inability to get satisfaction with no apron on is another. My clients only get excited when they are dressed as someone else. This is the brightest sexual emotion for them. For example, I have a patient who is a chef whose wife does not pay much attention to him. Once he put on his brother’s police uniform and went out. He confessed that at that moment he felt like a manly, strong cop. It is not surprising that dressing as a cop became an erotic ritual for him. Finally, he was so comfortable with his new image that women began paying attention to him. It is too bad that he remained his unconfident, shy self without the uniform. People like this consult a doctor when they realize they have lost their own identity. Plus, it is not easy to explain to your spouse why you cannot have sex without a costume. “
“They say that role playing in bed makes marital sex hotter…”
For many years sexologists have been saying that role games are the best aids in sex. Yet, some are so interested in trying on other people’s image that they use it not only in bed but in real life as well. The most intriguing thing is that they get incredibly satisfied by it. Rich people dressing like the poor, college professors who put on school uniform, scientists who wear firefighter’s uniform at home – this is a non-exhaustive list of patients treated by a famous LA sex therapist Dr. William Sharp, who has been studying an interesting sexual anomaly known as cisvestism for years. The doctor dedicated most of his life to studying his patients and came to conclusion that all people are perverts to some extent. In his interview with Express Gazeta, the famous sex therapist revealed some of the shocking secrets of his research.

“Cisvestism is a type of fetishism or transvestism. While transvestites change into clothes of the opposite sex, my patients dress into clothes of their own sex, although of a different social status or profession. For instance, a proper housewife tries an image of a prostitute and spends time in bars, or a 50-year old librarian dresses like an 18-year old girl and goes to a club. I have a client who owns a café. After work, she puts on a waitress uniform and goes out to pick up tipsy truck drivers from a nearby hotel.”

“What’s so special about it? Women always want to look younger, and if you want to pick someone up, a short skirt or waitress uniform is a great idea.”

“It’s one thing when someone does it once in a while. Inability to get satisfaction with no apron on is another. My clients only get excited when they are dressed as someone else. This is the brightest sexual emotion for them. For example, I have a patient who is a chef whose wife does not pay much attention to him. Once he put on his brother’s police uniform and went out. He confessed that at that moment he felt like a manly, strong cop. It is not surprising that dressing as a cop became an erotic ritual for him. Finally, he was so comfortable with his new image that women began paying attention to him. It is too bad that he remained his unconfident, shy self without the uniform. People like this consult a doctor when they realize they have lost their own identity. Plus, it is not easy to explain to your spouse why you cannot have sex without a costume. “

“They say that role playing in bed makes marital sex hotter…”

“I wish. Not every husband or wife dreams about sex in costumes. Usually the spouse is not happy about his other half’ inclinations. Even if the spouse also enjoys costumes it may not be always be for the better as you get bored of every game. Today you want to go to bed with a geisha, next day you want a naughty nurse. These people, on the other hand, like their role and will not be pleased with any other. As a result, we get spousal issues. Often it gets even worse when a person starts using this different image every day. For example, when a millionaire gets off from dressing like a bum for business meetings or a housewife gets a Mohawk and buys a biker’s jacket and then goes to her embroidering club. Such people lose jobs and suffer form judgment.”

According to Dr. Sharp, there are many famous people who have this disorder. Their strange costumes and behavior are taken as whims, while in reality they need a sex therapist.

“I have serious suspicions that Bill Gates and Donald Trump suffer have this abnormality,” the doctor said. The former, despite his billions, cannot live without stretched out sweaters and old jeans. Probably, these items bring Gates memories about poor, but sexually active years. Trump looks like a clerk in a second-rate firm because of his terrible hair and baggy suits, also a tribute to his “young” memories.”

“What about singers and actors? Are their clothes just a tribute to their image?”

“It depends . Madonna is a 100% pervert . At age 51 she does not mind wearing her daughter’s clothes and has a lover who is young enough to be her son. She admits that the younger she looks, the sexier she feels. Mariah Carry is 40, and she goes out wearing shorts and short tops revealing her belly, and wears bikini in her video clips. She obviously likes the image of a prostitute . Same is with Lady Gaga, who dresses like a transvestite not only on stage but in real life as well. Johnny Depp is a classic millionaire – bum . His everyday outfit would shock a bum – his tangled beard, stretched out hat, shapeless coat and dirty jeans. There is a rumor he hates deodorants and colognes and does not shower for weeks. He and his wife Vanessa Paradis is a good match. The couple’s friends say that it is impossible to be near them because of a strong body odor. On the other hand, it is a rare case of mutual understanding.”

Finally, Dr. Sharp said that everyone is a pervert one way or the other, because people radically change their image several times in a lifetime. Women especially like to wear age-inappropriate clothes, and even at 50 behave like playful high school students.

“It does not matter what you look like, it matters what you feel like. If your costume excites you more than your other half, the problem is not you, it is you marital bed,” said the therapist.

Source: http://english.pravda.ru/society/sex/113422-1/

09 August 2010 ~ 0 Comments

Craiglist asked to shut down adult personals over sex trafficking

While Craiglist’s adult personals section has been the subject of a great many jokes, two alleged sex crimes as a result of the site may make you think more seriously about it. An interest group focused on human rights for women has blasted the site by taking out an ad in The Washington Post and San Francisco Chronicle asking for the adult services section to be shut down.

The Rebecca Project’s ad tells the story of “AK,” who claims to have been raped as a result of the site, and “MC.” who was forced into prostitution as a result of the site. The ad claims that Craigslist makes $36 million yearly by charging for ads in this space.

Craiglist took to its own blog to defend itself, saying it was “anxious” to see the perpetrators behind bars, and asked to know where these police reports have been filed, saying it had yet to be able to locate such reports.

“If craigslist was misused, we want to learn more so we can improve our preventative measures,” Craigslist co-founder Jim Buckmaster wrote. “If anyone committing such crimes has not yet been apprehended and prosecuted, we want to do everything in our power to assist the police in making that happen.”

Both “AK” and “MC” say that the open letter was written to Craigslist in order to prove how easy the site makes it for criminals to carry out acts like this. However, it seems to be clear that The Rebecca Project has so far not provided the company with actual evidence that law enforcement has ever been involved in their cases.

Regardless of whether the stories are true or not, Buckmaster assured that misuse of the site is quite rare, and that it has taken steps to prevent abuse of the adult services section, including a manual review of every adult service ad that is submitted. He did admit that this manual screening was likely implemented after these two incidents occurred based on the time period they were written.

Other efforts to prevent wrongful use include encouragement of user participation in reporting misuse, creating specialized search functions for law enforcement, and requiring phone verification for every adult service ad, among others.

“We are not content however, and are committed to making further progress,” he concluded.

Source: http://www.betanews.com/article/Craiglist-asked-to-shut-down-adult-personals-over-sex-trafficking/1281387738

09 August 2010 ~ 0 Comments

Natural Aphrodisiacs

FIERY FOODS FOR FOREPLAY

Spices — Chili, curry and all those sweat inducing foods are believed to have aphrodisiacal effects because they produce results much like sex would. Think about it; spicy foods increase your heart rate and cause us to perspire. So cook up some curry chicken and then give her a “spicy meatball” of your own.

Oysters — Wow, I know you’re as surprised to see this one on the list as I am (yeah right). We all know that oysters have been esteemed as sex aids for ages. Why? Well, it’s possible that it’s because of diets that were nutritionally deficient in zinc in the days of horse carriages and lasting marriages. People would eat oysters and since their overall health would improve, it would lead to an increased sex drive. So start shucking and don’t stop till you feel it move.

Wasabi (Horseradish) — While some people believe that Sushi has aphrodisiacal effects all on its own, my Japanese friends let me in on a little secret. Apparently, that green stuff that comes with it ( Wasabi or horseradish) is what’ll really get your twig and berries ripe and ready. So the next time you go out for sushi, ask for some extra Wasabi; it’s a kick and will make your eyes tear, but you can make your gal’s eyes tear when you take her home and show her Wasaaaaaaabi.

Caviar — That’s right, fish eggs contain a large amount of beneficial vitamins. They are rich in phosphorus and are very nourishing to nerve cells. Their apparent aphrodisiac powers are reinforced by vodka. So get yourself into Absolut shape for the night.

DIVINE DRUGS

Ginseng — The word “ginseng” means “man root.” So it’s likely that ginseng gained its popularity as a sexually enhancing herb via its similarity to the male, umm, organ. While it is true that the root has a mild stimulating effect, like caffeine, there is no solid evidence that ginseng has an effect on human sexuality. But what the heck, increase your energy and your sex life will follow suit.

Yohimbine — Taken from the bark of an African tree, yohimbine is believed to work by stimulating the nerve centers in the spine that control erection. Although even the FDA found their studies on animals to be positive, there is still no scientific proof that it works on human beings. But some gentlemen swear by yohimbine and like I always say; if it’s good for the goose, then slip on a condom and give it to the gander.

Spanish Fly — We have all heard about this little fly that can bring us to immeasurable sexual heights, but do you really know what Spanish fly is? It’s a bright green blister beetle from Southern Europe. The fly, or cantharides, is made from dried beetle remains and can be one of the most dangerous aphrodisiacs on the market. The sexual excitement initializes from the irritation to the urinary and genital tracts and results in a rush of blood to the sex organs. My suggestion — keep away from The Fly.

SEXUAL SCENTS

Vanilla — Because of its sweet, welcoming odor, it has a euphoric effect and can be used at will. If consumed, vanilla combats sexual debilitation and improves upon the central nervous system. Its odor implicitly acts upon sexual stimulation in both men and women. So add a few drops of vanilla essence to your bath and set the sensual mood for what’s to come (pun fully intended).

Patchouli — This scent is believed to awaken and provoke sexual energy. If you’d like to try its aphrodisiacal powers, purchase patchouli in the form of incense. And while you’re at it, play some erotic music to add to the ambience.

Musk — Believe it or not, many experts believe that musk closely resembles the smell of testosterone (human pheromones), the male sex hormone. Now if you smell it and like it, that doesn’t mean you want to start playing for the other team. What you should be concerned with is her nose and what she likes. So bust out the musk and fill the room with man smell.

Source: http://www.askmen.com/dating/love_tip/55_love_tip.html

09 August 2010 ~ 0 Comments

Sexual Art

man woman tree picture by lolalolacherrycola

25 July 2010 ~ 0 Comments

Teens engage in sex due to porn

International — Malasia

PETALING JAYA: Parents, be careful. It may not be Justin Bieber’s latest music video that your children are watching on the Internet.

The Malaysian Communications and Multimedia Commission (MCMC) has received 202 complaints for obscene content on Malaysian websites and personal blogs as of June 16 this year.

The obscene content comprised pornographic video clips or images, including nude personal photos – usually doctored or distributed without authorisation – MCMC told Sunday Star.

That made up 55.1% of complaints on improper content on the Internet received by MCMC in the first six months.

Access to pornographic material became a concern following reports of teens confessing that they became addicted to sex after watching porn.

“Let’s be realistic, the sex industry is one of the oldest in the world, and the Internet has only made it more accessible,” said Gleneagles Intan Medical Centre addiction therapist Chris Sekar.

Combined with the changing values of youth towards sex, it has become vital to teach sex education as early as possible, he said

Unfortunately, in Malaysia, he added, everything gets politicised, referring to resistance from some factions towards the implementation of the sex education module called Reproductive and Social Health Education (PKRS).

Malaysian children definitely need PKRS, said Datuk Dr Raj Abdul Karim, former regional director of International Planned Parenthood Federation (IPPF) for East and South-East Asia and Oceania Region.

“The situation is alarming and dangerous as the age of initiation for sex in the country is getting younger with children as young as 12 already experimenting with sex.

“At 12, whatever their physical or mental maturity, they have not reached the level of sexual maturity that allows them to have sexual intercourse. They are definitely not only ready for PKRS but also need it,” she said.

“All children are vulnerable to abuse, rape and incest but many still don’t even know what is happening to them when they are in that dangerous situation, much less what to do. This is where they need help.”

Source: http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2010/7/25/nation/6732469&sec=nation